Sam Adams Must Go Dirty Harry on Beer Tyrants

By D. Joshua Rubin - February 11, 2012 | Tickers: BUD, SAM, TAP | 0 Comments

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The Power of Clint

In this post, spiritually titled, "The Last Patriot" I'm not going to break an investing law. I'm going to blast it with Magnum Force.

This law says do not get emotionally attached to your investments. Clydesdale chips. Emotional energy - harnessing the power of doing what's right - is critical. America kicked the shepherds pie out of England back in the day, and Hitler and commie bastards afterwards, because we had righteousness on our side. I say, invest in companies you believe in. That stand for something. That make you feel proud to own their products.  It will make you dig deeper, try harder, think more carefully and follow more closely. It will make you more money.

When friends come over, and I pull out a Sam Adams (NYSE: SAM), I don't just hand them one, I make eye contact. I click my true American lager bottle off their true American lager bottle and silently we exchange beliefs. That America can put a man on Mars, build out a lightning fast Internet, clean up our seas and skies, give every kid a fair shot and draw all the power we need without getting some vile dictator in a Halloween costume's blood on our hands. 

The only investments worth making are the ones you believe in. Otherwise you're not investing. You're working a part-time job. Now let's make money the right way. Like Chrysler just did with its brilliant commercial, Clint Eastwood's It's Halftime in America. 

Sam Fans - This Will Sting 

In Part I of this two-part Declaration of War on beer tyranny, I laid out a case so powerful against ABInBev (NYSE: BUD) and SABMiller (NYSE: TAP), that Excorcist-style vulgarities have been shrieking out of their foggy midnight corporate lairs. Upon reading it, tyrannical beer execs have been melting like Raiders of the Lost Ark villains. One of them felt so exposed, he unzipped his head, leapt out his faux human skin and flew back to H-e-double hockey sticks.

But righteousness alone won't win this war. It's time to get real, beer patriots and fortune hunters. Take a seat. This is gonna sting. As things stand, Sam Adams - despite your true story marketing, and the unrivaled frothy deliciousness of your revolutionary lagers - you will never be a home run investment until you go beyond craft beer. I realize this sounds herertical. I know the passion you put into every soul-replenishing barrell. But this is reality.

I'm as passionate as Picasso wrapped in Baudelaire with a creamy nougat Shakespeare center. But even I know The Who was right when they sang, "Too much of anything is too much for me." If you spend the next few years marketing bald guys with ZZ Top beards in Deadliest Catch gear talking about their passion for yeast and barley, it will get old fast. It's a short cruel walk from authenticity to pretension. 

Remember. It's Halftime in America. We still have lots of people hurting. We need a beer that everyone can easily afford. And trust. Budweiser and Miller have lost the right to be that beer. It's time to take on their crown jewel: Budweiser.  It's the ring that powers Morrrrrdorrrr. And you can do this without ruining the great Samuel Adams brand, - if you do it with honor, built on a foundation of authenticity. Here's how.

Introducing Sam Adam's Breinigsville - The Working Man's Beer 

There's a town in America, in Pennsylvania, the noble state that builds a bridge of amazing grace from the Atlantic to the heartland. In this town, in fall-glorious Lehigh County, not far from the legendary Allentown, between Trexlertown and Maxatawny, people are honest, decent and they work their living tails off. They look you in the eye and smile "good morning." Population 3,500.

From the time George Breinig settled a 123-acre tract of land in 1789, through the 1860's when the Catasauqua and Fogelsville Railroad lines moved iron ore through town - to this very day, Breinigsville has stayed true. In Breinigsville, Samuel Adams pays American workers to brew American beer in an American factory. Don't believe this town is heartland America? Travel down route 222 to the Home Town Diner and eat a chicken pot pie. Tastes like Martha Washington baked it just to feed the stars and stripes of your soul.

Samuel Adams' Breinigsville is not meant to be the greatest tasting beer. It's meant to remind Americans who we are. Everything about the can with its classic red scripted lettering, the 1950's patriotic logo, the way it feels in the hand, the throwback case. All of it, is presented with honor. It's a beer that was born during Half Time, in America. It's Samuel Adams' Breinigsville. Dang. I could go for an ice cold Breiney right now.

Death to The King

There's a brilliant scene in The Lord of the Rings where Frodo - losing hope, tells Gandalf, he wishes he never had to bear the burden of the ring. Gandalf tells him, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." 

Sam. Samwise Gamgee Adams. I know you'd rather chillax in the Shire and just make great craft beer. But the Lord, God love him, works in mytserious ways. Sometimes it's better to be good than great. Sometimes doing good leads to greater returns.

Budweiser and Bud Light sell billions of bottles and cans of beer a year. But Americans are waking up to the preposterousness of these dying brands. They mean nothing. How appropriate that Bud calls itself, "The King of Beers." Because in America we don't have kings. We were born to overthrow kings. Billions upon billions of dollars are propped up on a hollow royal throne, there for the taking. The brewtocracy will rage and strongarm every retailer. Some will even accuse Sam of selling out. But Sam must be willing to pay the price - and take on the king - for America.

Special Bonus: A Final Dedication

This lonesome little music video sits on Youtube, buried under a sea of bilions, with barely any page views. It's by an unknown singer, giving 100%, even as they literally pack up the bar around her. She sings for all of us who are not ready to pack it in. Who are willing to pay The Price. 

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